It ain’t pretty, but it’s fast. Actually, with a claimed 211 mph top speed, the Brabus Bi-Turbo V12 GLK is the fastest SUV in the world. Which is kinda like being the winner in a Twinkie-eating competition: It’s an epic feat of embarrassing proportions.

To pull it off, the Brabus crew stuck with its tried and true formula of shoving entirely too much engine into a small package. Underneath the vented hood lies a Mercedes-sourced V12 that’s been stroked from 5.5- to 6.3-liters. From there, the Bottrop boys fit a duo of turbos, two intercoolers, a couple high-flow cats and a stainless steel exhaust. The effect is typical Brabus: A staggering 740 horsepower and 995 pound-feet of torque, which is actually limited to 811 lb-ft (at 2,100 rpm) to avoid the gearbox, diff and rear tires from vaporizing in an oily, metallic haze. And naturally, the absurdity doesn’t stop with the engine.

Twelve-piston front calipers clamp onto 15-inch discs, with six-piston calipers and 14.2-inch rotors in the rear, while a height adjustable coilover suspension with ten settings for bound and rebound join 22-inch wheels wrapped in a choice of Pirelli or Yokohama rubber. The exterior and interior have been restyled to match, and while Merc’s diminutive ‘ute isn’t exactly a beauty queen to begin with, Brabus’ blocky aftermarket brutalization lends itself well to the GLK’s squat proportions.

But aesthetics aside, there’s a bigger problem. Actually, there are 397,000 of ‘em. That’s how many euros you’ll need for the GLK V12. For that kind of scratch ($580,000 using a straight conversion), there’s a host of high-power exotica available.

The diminishing value of the U.S. dollar, most notably against the Euro and Yen, is causing plenty of grief for foreign automakers. While the US market has been in the tank for the past two years, it still remains a major market for companies like Audi, BMW and Mercedes-Benz. All three brands have been looking at ways to relieve some of the exchange rate pressure and Mercedes has decided that more “dollar zone” production will be part of the solution.

When the next generation C-Class rolls out in 2014, German production will be consolidated at Daimler’s Bremen factory while units for the North American market will be built in the U.S. There’s been no announcement about where production will take place, but an expansion of the SUV factory in Alabama is one possibility. On a related side note, part of the reason the Premium German brands have recently avoided selling four-cylinder versions of their entry-level models in the States has been the exchange rates and the associated lack of profitability.

Say what you will about the retro design of the new Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG. Some call it a contemporary take on a classic shape, others may deride the lack of originality. But at least it’s consistent. Which is a heck of a lot more than we can say for what MEC Design has done to it.

The Berlin-based tuner has been dreaming up how it could butcher the gullwing’s lines, and from the looks of things, they’ve done a bang-up job. First thing you notice is the nose – you could hardly miss it – that apparently attempts to bring the preceding SLR McLaren’s F1-inspired treatment back. But MEC hasn’t stopped there. The full aero kit includes side skirts with integrated exterior lighting. The rear end fits in a spoiler, chrome tailpipes and a new diffuser. There are comically oversized and blinged-out rims. And they’ve theoretically fitted a carbon and Alcantara steering wheel.

And that’s where the sigh of relief comes in. Thankfully, MEC Design hasn’t actually gotten its hands on an actual SLS to perform these mods. And for the sake of everything we hold dear, we hope they never do.

There are heads of state that enjoy flaunting their fortune. If you are presiding over a wealthy sheikdom or an imperial dynasty, you may want to bask in the glory of a Rolls-Royce or a Maybach, to be noticed and admired by your subjects wherever you choose to travel. If you hold an elevated government position in an even semi-democratic country, however, you may perhaps wish to keep a more modest profile.

Those meek and humble high-level public servants in need of special protection—Mercedes is primarily targeting government leaders and royalty, although captains of industry are also welcome to fill out an order slip—don’t need to hang on to their armored and stretched last-generation S-class anymore. At the Paris auto show, the company launched the S600 Pullman Guard, a long-wheelbase, high-protection version of the current W221 S-class.

The only engine offered here is the 5.5-liter, twin-turbocharged V-12 mated to a five-speed automatic and producing a full 510 horsepower. This torque monster—612 lb-ft is on tap between 1900 and 3500 rpm—should propel the S600 Pullman Guard with alacrity despite its additional weight, which we estimate to be as much as two tons above that of a regular S600.

The conversion of the S600 into a Pullman Guard was handled by the company itself, and for a limousine, it is well-executed. A taller and differently raked rear window and an elevated roof help achieve a shape that won’t win beauty contests but is among the more harmonious of stretched limousines. Its extra 45 inches of length brings the Pullman to a total length of nearly 21 feet.